Songs of August 2002 at Elementary Funk

Black Panther

Finally caught up on six issues.

Friday, 30 August 2002

The Beatnix - Campbelltown Uni Bar

Earlier in the day there was this stand and next to the stand was a man. In the stand were two bags of prepopped popcorn. Next to the little machine stand was a bucket. Inside that bucket was this yellow, solid playdough-looking substance. Enquired, and the man said that it was "special" fat/oil/butter for the popcorn and that the cold made the thing solidify. Very disgusting. Walked away and fed on one of the bags like a horse. Extremely salty and harsh on the small crack on the edge of the mouth.

For soothers, after an effortless win in the trivia by The Wax Conspiracy, the stage was fronted by four neatly vested and bowlcut lads. They sang familiar songs and played them well to the crowd of thirty. The difference between them and the original was the tense used in their little spacers. Their drummer bore a stunning resemblance to Keanu Reeves, causing one monoburner to shout out "Dogstar!"

Luckily no one heard it. They then broke for the second set but did not tell anyone they were doing so. As a result, the crowd dissipated faster than mustard on a hotdog. They climbed back onto the stage, fewer of the audience to do it to the garb of Sargent Pepper's Lonely Hearts club. That was a disappointing miss. Try again next year perhaps, a little more the wiser and a whole lot more inquisitive.

Thursday, 29 August 2002

Post for Bail

The ordinariness of regular mail with no markings making it out to be from the monster for mail arrives faster at its destination than a registered envelope. A whole week earlier as it is. The money and envelope it travelled in finally arrived at its Queensland destination. At least now there will be one less thing to worry about putting stress of things. Damn worrisome all last night.

24 is really getting good, now at least there is daylight.

Wednesday, 28 August 2002

Walking for Wine

Two beat cops rocked up today at the SRC office all the way from Campbelltown station. The trek is usually twenty minutes one way in a fast paced motion. The reason behind their visit was to take down a statement of witness. The sting involved purchasing a bottle of red wine from a newly opened shop on the campus. The gym guys were warned, they got their heads screwed with. The cop taking down the details of the incident got a little irked, the story altered somewhat during the read back. If it ever gets to go to trial—of which there is an unlikely chance the uni would want to ruin its perfectly bad name—that little box for the witness is going to feel the sweat of a slightly morphing account.

Wednesday, 28 August 2002

Ordered to Oblivion

Some how after days of discussion with the underlying tone that yeah, a money order was posted, this company turns around and claims that they never got hold of it. Either Australia Post have let me down or the company is full of decieptful people who trash things with the words "registered."

Tuesday, 27 August 2002

The Amazing Race - Much Delayed

Back when education was a major priority, the best time for television was in the afternoons and morning. Now that education has become a background necessity, it has seen the slot of television moved to the evenings and late night.

But late night is still only night when the clock sits on the early side of 12am. After that it is now very early morning. Along there with the wee hours as they are often called.

One such show to fall about and get kicked around is that of The Amazing Race. Teams of two race around the world in a Carmen Sandiego styled game. The last to each destination get booted off. The episode last night was supposed to have screened in February this year, or even up where the start of the year usually is.

But it is American and the television is located in Australia. The problem is clear.

After being pulled numerous times, the Race was back on and picks up with them on their way to Sydney, Australia.

Team Cha-Cha-Cha aka Danny and Oswald play the game the best. They go straight to the 5-star hotels and ask for help—why run around asking the locals when you can bug people who are paid to be? From this they manage to get onto the shores of Australia first and hit the roadblock.

The task was to decipher a few Aussie phrases, stuff like: Find a surfie in lairy daks, catch a true blue anklebiter, talk to a sheila in an Aussie cozzie and get the good oil from a bushie.

No idea what half of these meant. But these players did. Two of the teams didn't read their info strips properly and wasted time running around with their partners. They also didn't pay any attention to the locations as they realised their mistake at Circular Quay and had to start all over again at the Opera House. But instead of taking a look over toward the monstrosity of a hotel on the right, they hopped into taxis. But no one was eliminated, it could be for when they hit somewhere after the city.

Tuesday, 27 August 2002

At the Speed of Post

Finally, after some intense weeks of not paying attention, and just generally filling the days with much strain on the eyes with the oh-so-closeness of a computer screeen, the package of packages to end the drudgery of university life made an appearance.

The cost of graduating seems to only pale to that of the actual cost of getting there, but it does put in bit of a shock itself. Seems putting in two applications paid off.

Unexpectedly, given the nature of the postal system there was a very cool postcard sitting in the mix. Hopefully a money order of a relatively fair amount will make its way across the state borders and find itself opened up to folk who talk odd.

Friday, 23 August 2002

Mental Incapacity

For the Winter 2002 edition, a certain magazine published all manner of articles relating to the West. The entire issue was nothing more than a massive headache bleeding all over the thick stock pages. Sense was not found, not until the usual back pages which list other organisations in the country for aspiring pen scratchers out to make a return on their pages. Attempting to read the issue was close to driving insanity straight through the head with a crowbar destined for more nefarious means. It was so inane there was some hesitation at the submission of subcohesive copy. It was sent. They duly rejected after some months passed.

Still, good to know that even when there is an organisation that published crap nicely typeset, they have standards.

Tuesday, 20 August 2002

Death to the Deadline

Finally, after a 13 hour marathon session in the office late on a Friday night, the contents of the magazine were done. The only part left for the weekend was the actual cover of the thing itself. An image suitable for the upside-down reader, something that could say both hetero and homosexual postcoital situations as well as the contemplation of yet another killing spree. Two weeks of thought boiled down into six minutes of furious graphite scratching. A fine effort to top off the latest and greatest ego flare since May.

Tuesday, 20 August 2002

Time Waited, Then Left Without You

Should have come into the office to work on the magazine a day earlier. That way things would just be pushing the deadline back. But it is all just voluntary. It looks like there won't be anyone left at the uni when the magazine comes so close to the edge of being finished. It would have to be the best issue yet. There is nowhere to go but up after having created two of the worst issues to have ever lived on the display cases for magazines written in an imaginary bunker hiding from the evils and plots of the world outside. Time was well planned and managed until a day went by unnoticed. It's getting due notice now however.

Saturday, 17 August 2002

Mutant X - I Scream The Body Electric

The slowed action sequences would not be a problem with this promising new show if not for the frequency of them. Every time they break out in to a fight, the film slows down to a comatose breather's pace. These mutants have no cool nick names, instead they have wondrously developed ones. Mason Eckhart, Adam Xero, Brennan Mulray. Some thought was put into these monikers.

After the events in the pilot episode the two new recruits help finish the first real episode with a well walked stare into a point just beyond the scope of the camera. The major heavy running for the Genetic Security looks like a player who missed the audition for the bounty hunter in The X-Files. One point to consider is the fact that when a virus is uploaded and starts to destory the files, they explode and shatter into fragments of the screen.

This should get better. After all, they have an Andy Warhol lookalike in their midst.

Saturday, 17 August 2002

Sheena

It was late night, the Pastor had just finished his show, about anxiety of all things, when a quick check to the not yet available TV guide listed not Xena, but Sheena - Queen of the Jungle. It was the pilot episode and started like most other shows past midnight have been doing so for some time now.

A man in a suit was running all over the place scared out of his wits for some unseen, but well rustling thing. As he laughs away from the narrow escape the little boat dies and gets bogged at the otherside of the the river. In a second there is a white gorilla that looks like Chep from George of the Jungle beating the man to death. A spilt bag is focussed upon. The contents are of a rhino's tusk and a gorilla's hand. A figure heavily clad in thick dried mud stares on. After the opening credits the thing hits back to a confrontation. Along the lines the channel was changed a few times and came back to a cut of a few hundred dollar bills being burned. Switched off the vision and went to sleept.

Damn shame the show is on so late. Don't know if it's worth the wait.

Friday, 16 August 2002

Not Enough in Thirty Hours

Watching the regular thirty hours of television each week looks to be getting better as the year winds to another death of ratings. Programs that would have earlier in the year been given over to a battle of the amount of money they could return get their chance to breathe. Exhilarating.

Thursday, 15 August 2002

No More Spider-Man

It has been only two short months since Spider-Man hit the Australian screens, and yet there is not a single silver back in the state showing the film anymore. This would prove to be the only hiccup in trying to catch the film for a second time in the cinemas as watching something like that—or even anything really—would negate the session only weeks before. Webbed and ready, yet the buildings have already moved onto to other ventures.

Tuesday, 13 August 2002

Frozen Sundry

Watching a pram being pulled to bits is scary from the inside out. A little tyke in such a vehicle was alighting from a train when the mother behind decided to use the flimsy bar across the front to hoist it across the gap. In a second, later to be split, the pram was sent well across the gap that traps so many wayward legs and huge chunks of plastic from the pram fly up into the air. Toys and such were strewn on the ground and the mother had a look of disgust as a man behind her just gruffed and moved on. The all but too brief reprieve from the shilling cold has ended. Back now to freezing until the season changes again.

Tuesday, 13 August 2002

24 and Mutant X

24 chooses life on a station that cuts over 3 minutes in dialogue for a movie such as Pulp Fiction. As such, there can be no real indication on whether this viper-hyped show about counter-terrorism is indeed in real-time. Except for the glaringly over shot scenes featuring, mentioning or hinting at the time as it ticks away. The first episode started off about five minutes late and the commercial breaks were all wrong, the timing was shot to pieces like a bowl of m&ms after being taken to a mallet in a helmet. The pacing was nice, but the editing was horrendously reminiscent of a late night Dennis Rodman vehicle known briefly as Special Ops Force. So many panels, so little to care about.

Then the insult of insults, it ran and finished ahead of time, achieving a personal best and left the door wide open for Mutant X to be thrown down onto the floor. At first it is easy to see why Mutant X could be misconstrued for X-Men. There is a guy who was bald/is bald and oversees a team that runs around chasing down and helping out other 'gifted' running individuals and there's a place for them, lots of leather, odd abilities and the day moves on.

Having not even read an entire page of Gen13, it kinda feels like that. Or perhaps like the Generation X telemovie that will probably never be seen on Australian free-to-air anytime soon.

They've got to get better than this.

Saturday, 10 August 2002

Here Come the Mutants

There was some news months back about a brand new show that some people higher up thought might conflict with ideas and themes present in a movie about mutants. Both feature extensive use of leather wardrobes and both have the letter X in the title and they both are about the same thing, mutants running around.

At least it's finally here in Australia.

Thursday, 8 August 2002

New Foo Fighters on the horizon

Thursday, 8 August 2002

Open Floor For Food

The Vice-Chancellor held an open forum on the status of the university and spent most of her time dodging, weaving and reflecting the queries and questions on whether or not the university would be sucked into a pond filled with ducks. It will, and the academics weren't happy with the fact that she tried to deflect the situation onto the out-sourced table outside serving fruit salad in a plastic bag and odd coloured potatoes. Nearly could not stomach another round of meat, coleslaw and pasta salad after the five pieces of cake. Three of which were ice-cream. It was a free lunch and it was tasty. Even if the VC decided to outsource.

Saturday, 3 August 2002

Tangled Web #16 - Heartbreak

The Kangaroo is in it and speaks some weird Aussie lingo. The kind the Americans listen to, extremely incomprehensible. The first page starts off with Tombstone being rushed into an ambulance following a heartattack during a bank robbery and the last contains a tear in the page. Given the quirkiness of the art, it read well and the conclusion is expected to be bought.

Friday, 2 August 2002

Songs of August 2002 at Elementary Funk

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