Wouldn't it be nice living in a chocolate world?

 

An increasing rarity in today's advertising world is that of the original jingle. Gone are the days when the advertising agencies would hire musicians to pen fresh and new compositions to accompany a product. Back then it wasn't unusual for kids and adults alike to sing along to songs for hot dogs or toilet paper. What was less of an oddity was the fact that these jingles were written especially for the product.

Time is a demon and the world of music is a monster for the money it needs to feed the artists to survive. Now, instead of a brand new ditty riding the consumer airwaves we are thrown into the campaign listening to commercial artists; the kind of artists likely to tour and merchandise. One such prolific being of consumer-driven music sales is that of Moby. Labelled a "whore" and "sell-out" by some his music can be heard promoting all manner of merchandise. But the music of Moby remains exactly as it if it were played off the CD in which it was mass distributed.

 

 

And so we come to the subjects that are the Beach Boys and their distinctively Californian sounds. Mix it up with claymantion dolls who are supposed to resemble humans if humans were somehow made entirely of chocolate and you have a series of commericals for Cadbury Chocolate which filtered through on the television screens of millions around the world, if not only Australia, in 2002.

In the first of three we are taken to a beach - the link with the Beach Boys is most apparent in this one - wherein a surfer dude is on the chocolate waves. Life on this world seems peachy enough. But then, like in that novel-cum-movie, Jaws, a shark appears. As cool as ice the protagonist offers his arse as an offering to satiate the fish. Obviously this is not one kids of a tender age should have to watch no matter what the product. Behaviour like this is bound to turn the blue/green seas into an ocean of blood red. Wonderful indeed.

On the second journey, the protagonist is played by a postal worker who delivers letters on foot. A cliché and obstacle that is most often the bane of post deliverers around the world would no doubt be that of the ferocious dog at guard, preventing the worker from doing their job. Much like the real world, this chocolate world also faces that canine danger. Yet while in our world the postie would either make a run for it or drop the letters on the front lawn it doesn't even matter in this chocolate realm. No, instead of living another day to let someone else worry about the situation this postie picks up the dog and takes a huge chunk out of its rear end. After all, it is chocolate and dogs is food isn't they?

The third and final instalment takes places in a soccer stadium. Perhaps the most sane of all these representations it is also the most close to home. Simply as it plays, the scene which takes places is a penalty shoot out for goal that happens to break the chocolate metal bar holding the netting for said goal. The chocolate ball rolls in and the star player wins the trophy for his team. As there is no 'I' in team, there is a 'ME' and with this the player takes a bite out of the champion's cup the team has worked so hard for. There are chocolate coins covered in gilded foil, so it doesn't seem that far-fetched that metal could actually harbour a decent amount of chocolate inside.

So then, what of this world? Surfers who are stupid enough to allow themselves to become bait for sharks, postal workers crazy enough to eat dogs guarding people's homes and a selfish star football player out for his own glory? Really, when you think about it it doesn't seem that distant from this world in which we inhabit. Would it be nice if the world was chocolate? It already is.

Article first published and © November 2002.

Cadbury chocolate ad: Soccer superstar

Lyrics for Part One - The Surfing Surfer

Wouldn't it be nice if the world was Cadbury?
You could surf inside a chocolate tube
Ride your board across the wave forever
Get wiped out and never get a bruise
And if a shark came up and tried to bite you
You could say 'I'm chocolate - I invite you'
Wouldn't it be nice?

Lyrics for Part Two - Postal madness

Wouldn't it be nice if the world was Cadbury?
Chocolate roads and trees and birds and bees
Delivering all kinds of letters daily,
Every kind of purple parcel too.
And if the dog did try and grab a mouthful,
You could bite him back he'd taste delightful!
Wouldn't it be nice?

 

 

Lyrics for Part Three - Soccer superstar

Wouldn't it be nice if the world was Cadbury?
You could be a soccer super star.
The referee would blow his chocolate whistle,
A shot a goal would even break the bar.
And if you scored the winner
You could have the cup for your dinner.
Wouldn't it be nice?

Lyrics for those lifting it wantonly

These lyrics have been taken from watching and rewatching the commercials over and over again.
There once was a link to the campaign on the Cabury's site, but that has since gone. If you know of a better page, contact. Otherwise, let me know where else you see the ads, it'd be interesting.

Lyrics for Part Four (July 2003) - Family holiday

Wouldn't it be nice if the world was Cadbury?
Riding in the car would be a tasty treat.
Changing gears would soon become a problem
Cadbury dairy milk is so good to eat
When you arrive at your destination,
You'll be greeted with an exclamation!
Wouldn't it be nice?

Lyrics for Part Five (April 2005) - Maze crazy

Wouldn't it be nice if the world was Cadbury?
You could play inside a chocolate maze.
Run around and round to reach the middle
What a big surprise for you awaits.
If you couldn't find your way to freedom,
No need to run, just face the walls and eat 'em!
Wouldn't it be nice?

Lyrics for Part Six (August 2005) - At the movies

Wouldn't it be nice if the world was Cadbury?
Going to the pics would so sweet
There'd be no need for munchies
Cadbury dairy milk is the perfect treat
If someone came and blocked your screen view
Just take a bite and make a hole to see through
Wouldn't it be nice?

Lyrics for Part Seven (???) - Outer space

Wouldn't it be nice if the world was Cadbury?
You could eat your way through outerspace
Discovering new life on stars and planets
A triumph for the Cadbury human race
If you're gonna conquer alien ground
Just make sure you've got enough to go round
Wouldn't it be nice?